St. Paul’s Episcopal Church

Athens, TN

2008 STEWARDSHIP SKIT

a St. Paul’s original written by Betty Ewing

performed by St. Paul’s World Famous Stewardship Players

WAYNE    Good evening and welcome everyone,-- especially those of you who are new to St. Paul’s.     Our program this evening is for you.    We thought we would give you an informal introduction to the Episcopal Church in general and to St. Paul’s in particular—you might have noticed a few little things that differ from your former church.  So just sit back, watch and listen.  We have asked a few of our new folks to join us to ask any questions they would like about our “oddities”, if you will.  Let’s begin with Lisa—is there something you would like to ask?

LISA--Yes, I’m wondering why there are all those books in the pew.

STEVE—Right, we have three books in the pews.  The first is, of course, the Bible.  I know you all recognized that one.  I hope you also noticed that it is brand new,    and it has been brand new for 10 years…..We Episcopalians are not known for actually opening it much.     It is there to make you feel at home….  The second book is our hymnal—you probably had one in your former church.     Ours is separated into 2 parts. The first part has numbers preceded by the letter S—those are called the service music—S for service.  The second part is made up of the hymns we sing during the service.  Is that clear?

               Newcomers look puzzled

MEREDITH—What about that other book you use,     the one titled The Book of Common Prayer?     So far you all seem a bit UNcommon to me.

ROBERT—Ah, yes, our Book of Common Prayer.  This is our worship manual.  It tells us what to say and when to say it.  It tells us when to sit, when to stand, and sometimes when to kneel.  At first the book might seem a bit confusing, but you will get accustomed to it.  The first thing you might notice is that we have quite a few different services in the book.  We have Holy Eucharist I, Holy Eucharist II, Morning Prayer I, Morning Prayer II, Evening Prayer I, Evening Prayer II, and others.  The main thing for you to remember is that if it says Rite 1, that means that service is the first one of the day.  If it says Rite 2, that is the second one of the day.  If it says Rite 3, that means—Twilight Zone Music.

MARILYN—I’ve been confused by all the bobbing up and down—some people kneel, while others stand—what is going on?  And what should I do?

SONG

Kneeling/Standing (Rock of Ages)         Slowly

We are kneeling when we pray

We were told that’s the only way

By our moms, grandmoms, and greats

Great-greats and by………….God

So we’re kneeling when we pray,

And we will ‘til our dying day.

We are standing when we pray

We are told that’s now the way

It’s the new way, yet we’re told

That it’s really the very old

Older than the newer way

But newer than the new old way.

Some are standing, some kneel

If you’re confused, that’s how we feel.

Never mind, who cares

Just so we say our prayers.

If you want to kneel, my friend

Just make sure your knees will bend.

PAUSE

LISA—I’m not quite sure how to ask this next question, but-----why does your preacher wear a dress?

BETTY—Good question—Just to set your mind at rest, let me assure you he only wears it during the service, as far as we know.  Our dear Hendree does have a few little quirks, but the dress is not one to worry about. 

GENEVIEVE—Some of us worry more about his appetite, and his peppermint striped pants, not to mention his twirling his belt, and his whistling up and down the aisle!

SONG

Hendree (Holy, Holy, Holy)

Hendree, Hendree, Hendree, O, for goodness’ sake

Sometimes we wonder if we have hired a flake.

Hendree, Hendree, Hendree, What is your thought?

First it was a barnyard in our parking lot.

Hendree, Hendree, Hendree,What do you intend?

Will we see you shave your chin, or will it be your head?

Hendree, Hendree, Hendree, What’s next with you?

Could it be a nose ring or a new tattoo?

Hendree, Hendree, Hendree, Whistle and hum

Lightening all our hearts as down the aisle you come

Hendree, Hendree, Hendree, You have caused a flap

Your sermons keep us from our Sunday nap!

Hendree, Hendree, Hendree, We’re so glad you’re here.

And we’ll do our best to keep you many a year.

Hendree, Hendree, Hendree, We give thanks for you

And for your family, Kristin and Gracie, too.

WAYNE—Well, now, that should be enough about Hendree, let’s move on to some of our other church groups.

MEREDITH—I’ve noticed in the bulletin that there are various groups meeting from time to time, but their functions are never explained.  What, for instance is the outreach committee?  That’s kind of a funny name, outreach—what does it mean.

GENEVIEVE—It means they REACH into your pocket and take OUT the money they find. 

ROBERT—Actually they do a great job of using that money to help those in need in our community.

MARILYN—Is there a women’s group?

WAYNE—Yes, they meet on the 2^nd Tuesday of the month, have morning prayer, a short program, and LUNCH.

LISA—Is there a men’s group?

ROBERT—Yes, they meet and play cards.

MEREDITH—Are there any other groups?

STEVE—Of course!  We have a wonderful choir—they sing and cook pancakes.  The youth group—they meet and eat.  The young mothers group.—they meet and eat.   And there are others------------

SONG

Altar Guild (A Mighty Fortress Is Our God)—slowly and forcefully

A mighty force is our guild, there’s not much we can’t handle

Don’t touch our brass, don’t smudge our linen, and stay away from our candles.

We fix and polish, and fuss; so don’t you mess with us.

We’ll order cheap, cheap wine, and then we’ll hear you whine.

We are the altar guild.

MARILYN—What about special church activities or programs?

GENEVIEVE—We have a spaghetti luncheon in March.  We have regular parish dinners once a month.  We have parish soup suppers during Lent.  We have breakfast every Sunday morning.  Coffee hour every Sunday after the second service.  We have a Stewardship dinner in October, etc., etc.,

LISA—I seem to be noticing a theme here………….

STEVE—Well, we like to say that our informal motto is:  ‘If we cook, they will come.’

BETTY—And now, as it is getting late, we need to tell you about one final group—the Stewardship Committee.  They are the people who are responsible for the dinner and program this evening.  The Stewardship Committee’s job is to get all members of the parish to support the church with their time, talent, and treasure.  At this time,we invite all of you to commit yourselves to God through a financial pledge.  Although we encourage all to tithe, the actual amount you give is not as important as the fact that you are supporting God's plan through your pledge committment.  And now, two final musical offerings.

Bringing in the Pledges (Bringing in the sheaves)

Give us your money, and we’ll be happy

Give us your time and we’ll be pleased as punch,

Give us your talent, we obviously need some

We’ll all be rejoicing bringing in the pledges.

Bringing in the pledges, bringing in the pledges;

We’ll all be rejoicing, bringing in the pledges.

Thank you for coming, thank you for laughing

Thank you for giving and for your applause.

Thank you for your time, thank you for your talents

We are all rejoicing bringing in the pledges.

Bringing in the pledges, bringing in the pledges,

We are all rejoicing, bringing in the pledges

Now The Skit Is Over (Now The Day Is Over)

Now the skit is over, please take your pledge card

We need your money, not your credit card.

Now the skit is over, we may all go home.

Please return your pledge card, and we’ll leave you alone